tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5130088136998902262024-02-18T23:22:29.317-08:00H A N N A S Y Hhand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-9703378825272696062020-04-08T08:16:00.000-07:002020-04-08T10:53:24.906-07:00Insta Adventure<div class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1">Haha!</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I know this is kinda strange to start with an awkward laugh.. But, to write here (again) after veeery long time is such unique feeling mixed up, in a good way.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I am so happy to have quality time with myself. In the mid of chaos of corona, WFH brings me to myself. Gue jadi inget hal-hal yang mungkin untuk beberapa waktu sempat terlupa karena kehidupan 9to5 dan sibuk membuat work life balance. Gue jadi buka lemari dan mulai buka-buka buku yang udah dibeli mungkin setahun bahkan dua tahun lalu, tapi baru dibaca sekali, belum selesai, atau bahkan belum sama sekali. Gue jadi meng-appreciate hal-hal kecil dan jadi inget bahwa segitu sukanya foto-foto random pake #phoneonly (Duh. The hashtag haha..) Then, I stalk my account.. (Hm, kalo akun sendiri bilangnya stalk gaksih?)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I talked to myself, “Lot of things happened.” It’s kinda nostalgic, bad thing, good thing. Segimana randomnya I took photos, dan sebegitu gak pedulinya dulu dengan caption bakal ada yang baca atau engga. Bahkan gimana I evolve myself: dari yang se-jarang itu ngepost muka (I don’t know why..), isinya foto kaki lah, pojok ruangan lah. Hingga akhirnya malah sering selfie, foto ootd. Dan sekarang lagi trying to show story instead of my face.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I do believe photos taken by someone is refer to their own character, their feelings. And this is how I change..</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNV3-kmVcAfqH57Zsp1OgdBOBasfMvsiMwVon0k3wZ6WByF5Q3qv_WkUR1-ZMR5bLvw_s5YwlLXpOfJro382_TC3x5pFea2bVOzpPhb-V_CVhFAWRRqSobnK6Yv8Es3WM9mzeEnM9otng/s1600/CB50230E-EA89-4733-A4AE-BCEF788BB143.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1202" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNV3-kmVcAfqH57Zsp1OgdBOBasfMvsiMwVon0k3wZ6WByF5Q3qv_WkUR1-ZMR5bLvw_s5YwlLXpOfJro382_TC3x5pFea2bVOzpPhb-V_CVhFAWRRqSobnK6Yv8Es3WM9mzeEnM9otng/s1600/CB50230E-EA89-4733-A4AE-BCEF788BB143.jpeg" /></a><span class="s1"></span><br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="1202" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTtLWC2mngna5HTYlX6VHgGY5Q6r2x744sz4XDU9q3z9lMLKUReGGga4JcrKb00YTA8u5uv1_GYtpNzEMNnYXPUDGqjePpm3cR0rcfyecSajYjk5GiVshV_vN7G7r4yd088OuEcY_IIbY/s1600/B06424FF-1452-474C-89EE-EF387BD461E2.jpeg" />Back then at college, I used VSCO with favo filters: A6, G3, HB1, HB2 and turn temperature down to blue/cool tone. It looks crisp&deep with bold contrast, but somehow it kinda looks cold gloomy & depict of loneliness. Sepertinya saat itu gue masih menyesuaikan diri dengan kota baru, hidup sendiri dari keluarga. Kala di Bandung, gue beberapa kali melakukan perjalanan sendiri. At those moments, I feel like I found myself.. Well, mungkin gak totally ‘menemukan’ diri gue. Tapi, I feel like finally I have so much time to know myself more. Kenalan sama diri sendiri. Menghabiskan waktu sendiri. Damn. Dulu gue se-sendiri itu ya haha.. tapi senang. Kalo sedih, menemukan peaceful-moment sendiri. I do have friends, and trust me they all lovely and caring. I’m just struggling with myself to adapt.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_zHu-RYTPUkbzjIluiRUYYW07fk9dLYxNuud6szVe5BJ-DsFTAN4pkymYL9zSkamX89maiabzAVCVAPk_Tc3clNBfV6wIbTe49M2rAghcg9H8WxN712WASUIc9dtr5j4JcLgSZw_olg/s1600/D9E47907-82E2-4547-9F3D-1F2AFC37F6E6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="795" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_zHu-RYTPUkbzjIluiRUYYW07fk9dLYxNuud6szVe5BJ-DsFTAN4pkymYL9zSkamX89maiabzAVCVAPk_Tc3clNBfV6wIbTe49M2rAghcg9H8WxN712WASUIc9dtr5j4JcLgSZw_olg/s1600/D9E47907-82E2-4547-9F3D-1F2AFC37F6E6.jpeg" /></a><span class="s1"><i style="text-align: center;"></i></span><br />
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<span class="s1">I used to explore with Lightroom, with yellowish kinda desturated tone. As long I remembered, I was kinda bored and wanna try something new without much of adjusting colors and light. Kebanyakan momen di saat ini adalah gue bertemu, bukan, bukan bertemu. Berteman dengan teman-teman baru. Teman angkatan yang sebelumnya gue cuma tau namanya aja, di momen-momen terakhir kuliah gue bisa ngobrol sama mereka. Kerjasama dengan mereka. Main werewolf seangkatan, haha it was really fun.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRWAZDn-zDfLPasrxL2vla1BWU4fEPcScs_Lh3xjqox1YF0yAJ7ECQy1gRkV0pXVXOJXc4x2xt2abBW-XneKMvxkhBGD4bCo3b3AugjQRZGtjnm3TauQIcADA9B8vhv_63shzvtggXX0/s1600/1DA6B9F1-108A-438F-9D3A-9C14CF2701E8.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1202" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRWAZDn-zDfLPasrxL2vla1BWU4fEPcScs_Lh3xjqox1YF0yAJ7ECQy1gRkV0pXVXOJXc4x2xt2abBW-XneKMvxkhBGD4bCo3b3AugjQRZGtjnm3TauQIcADA9B8vhv_63shzvtggXX0/s1600/1DA6B9F1-108A-438F-9D3A-9C14CF2701E8.jpeg" /></a><span class="s1"><span style="text-align: center;"></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1">I don’t really care about filters. How to match the feeds. The only thing I care is my face, my outfit. Padahal siapa juga w kan, fashion stylist juga bukan :)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mungkin saat itu gue merasa perlu menunjukkan sesuatu. Merasa bahwa gue cantik, dimana tahun-tahun sebelumnya perasaan ini tidak pernah gue rasakan. Dahulu, gue sangat tidak confident dan merasa selalu ada yang kurang dalam diri gue. Haha I know it’s cringe. Tapi, hal positif yang gue liat disini adalah gue belajar untuk self-love. Belajar bahwa selalu ada yang bisa di appreciate pada diri gue. Sedihnya, perspektif ini hanya gue terapkan untuk cara melihat fisik gue. Yang justru, selanjutnya menjadi bumerang untuk diri sendiri. Then, I am starting to lose myself and forget who am I because I was too focus about ‘appreciating’ myself, physically.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">After all those adventure of myself, I am still learning to have an honest conversation with myself. Who am I. Whom I wanna be. What I like. What am I gonna do. Seru sekali buat gue saat nge-scroll feed instagram diri sendiri. Perpindahan warna dan tone yang gue rasakan seperti melihat diri gue yang berubah-ubah. It taught me to appreciate myself, I guess. Sekarang, gue ingin mencoba untuk fokus pada cerita. Bukan pada pantulan cermin, atau caption yang sepertinya dibuat hanya untuk lalu dan berniat mengarahkan pada foto untuk iba pada likes saja. Mungkin, sekarang bisa untuk nyoba gak peduli dengan “What they gonna think about me if I .... if I .... if I .... “</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Entah filter apa, editing bagaimana, angle darimana, caption sepanjang apa. Mungkin, sekarang bisa untuk nyoba bertanya pada diri sendiri “Am I gonna do this? Do I really wanna post this? Will my future-self learn something from this?”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Begitu sepertinya cara untuk benar-benar mengaplikasikan bio pada akun Instagram gue:</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i>Presenting moments, to remind myself in the future.</i></span></div>
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<br />hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-86959798247234715092019-04-10T06:58:00.000-07:002019-04-10T06:58:02.637-07:001-Minute-Stop<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">1-Minute-Stop</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Last months, or even last years, maybe are the most moments that “consume” myself. Money and time wasted unreasonably.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I ever read about an article or blog-i forget, tells that you have to questioning yourself when you want to buy something. Or maybe it could refer to Marie Kondo way, which sparks joy? That you have to make sure yourself that thing is really important for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Then, (finally) I try to practice this. Something I called 1-minute-stop. When I wanna buy something, I stop first. Think about what-ifs in 1 minute. If there’s some make-sensed reasons then I won’t buy it. Or at least, I’ll postpone it. There are many things I finally not buying them and now I’m happy enough with my current havings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Not only when buying something, but when I want to do something too. I try to do 1-minute-stop to ask myself, “Is this what should I do? Why should I do this? What if I don’t do this?” ...so on and so on. Even just for a little thing like when I want to post something in Instagram, now I’m thinking “Will this give a good impact? Is this caption good enough to tell a story? Are you ready if all your following see this?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Magically, it is effectively works! I think the reason is that we just have to stop first before when we’re in urge, to bring back our consciousness, because actually-based on what I did, the first thought when I stop is my true heart speaks and turns out that’s my last decision. So, I thank to myself that I still have a good logic and pure heart to decide :-P</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Now I’m curious.. Imagining how if I do this for everything? How much things can change my priority? How much money that I could save? How much time that I could use wisely?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">And, how much this affect myself or even my life?</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-32028124187215380062019-01-09T05:56:00.003-08:002019-01-09T05:56:45.521-08:00Aku Rindu<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Dulu, kita teman dekat. Kalau kamu bilang, “sahabat”. Kita sebenarnya sering beda pendapat. Tapi tetap saja, hubungan kita erat.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Dulu, kupikir aku yang selalu ada untukmu. Karena yang kuingat, kamu yang selalu cerita untukku. Kamu yang selalu butuh dan cari-cari aku.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Dulu, kurasa aku yang selalu sabar buatmu. Aku yang selalu siap dengar dan bantu apa saja untukmu.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Dulu, kamu dan aku selalu berdua. Padahal kelompok main kita lebih dari dua. Tapi, katanya memang kamu paling nyaman sama aku saja.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Lalu..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Sampai akhirnya..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Aku jadi orang yang paling egois. Jadi orang yang paling semaunya. Jadi orang yang paling gak rasional. Mengungkapkan segala rasa yang padahal jika dipikir kembali, itu seperti sementara saja. Sial. Semua message yang kukirim dari Bandung waktu itu sudah terhapus. Aku gak bisa inget apa dosa yang udah aku ucapkan padamu. Yang pasti, kalimat yang terlontar hanya sebuah hina. “I don’t believe in you. I don’t believe your story.” Gatau deh. Kok bisa-bisanya aku ngomong gitu. Jikalaupun terhasut beberapa teman, semuanya tetap saja salahku. Bagaimana mungkin, aku tidak percaya padamu. Memang. Ada saja berita-berita tidak enak tentangmu. Dan kamu pun tau hal itu. Tapi, jika dipikir matang saat ini, who cares. Jika mereka bilang bicaramu adalah bohong, bisa saja bicara mereka juga bohong. Dan tak sampai pula otakku, apabila kamu bohong padaku untuk apa?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Awal-awal, kupikir mungkin mereka ada benarnya. Kadangkala ceritamu memang gak make sense. Tapi, nalarku hampir tak pernah salah. Nalarku padamu, “She is a good girl.” Pikirku, ceritamu hanya memang agak berbeda dari teman kita kebanyakan. Maka, wajar saja jika sulit untuk menjadikannya relate padaku.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Awal-awal, kupikir aku hanyalah ekormu. Yang mesti mengikutimu, mendengarkanmu, dan menjaga perasaanmu. Kamu yang sudah memberikan banyak ekspresi padaku. Mulai dari gelak tawa hingga menangis sesenggukan. Semua ekspresi rasa yang sulit aku terima karena aku bukan orang yang mudah mengungkapkan rasa di depan orang. Aku pikir kamu berlebihan. Tapi, ekspresi itu pasti hanya kamu tunjukkan pada orang-orang yang kamu percaya saja.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Awal-awal, kupikir kamu memandang rendah aku. Bahwa kamu hanya anggap aku selalu di bawah levelmu. Aku hadir hanya untuk telingamu serta sandaranmu.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Tapi..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Setelah message panjang dari Bandung serta English discussion—yang suka kugunakan untuk menyampaikan perasaanku sesungguhnya, aku ingin memaki diri.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Hingga hari ini.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Kini aku lebih dewasa. Lebih menyadari betapa bodohnya. Bahwa dulu, kita sebenarnya sama-sama butuh. Kamu butuh aku, dan aku butuh untuk dibutuhkan oleh orang lain. You need a companion, and I need acceptance. We gave each other. Kamu nyaman bercerita padaku, layaknya aku nyaman menyadari bahwa masih ada yang percaya padaku. Karena waktu sekolah dulu, tingkat insecurity-ku saat itu mungkin bisa dibilang sedang tinggi-tingginya. Dengan segala macam topik bicara serta canda yang disuguhkan, jarang yang menarik untukku. Beda dengan saat aku mendengarkan ceritamu. Pikiranku lebih terbuka, ceritamu variatif. Ya. Kamu hanya berbeda dengan yang lain saja, maka susah untuk ada yang relate denganmu.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">But..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">You are truly a good woman. You are strong, educated, beautiful. Kamu jauh lebih dewasa ketimbang diriku. Aku sudah jadi sangat malu. Semakin kamu bersikap baik padaku, semakin aku merasa malu. Semakin aku menyesal. Telah merusak hubungan mutualisme kita.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Semakin sedih bahwa kamu telah menghapus namaku dari daftar nama kesayanganmu.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Kini kamu sudah bertunangan.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Masih kuingat kata-katamu:</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">“You definitely will be my bridesmaid!”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">And now I know, definitely I won’t be your bridesmaid.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-14644039536905480092018-07-10T17:00:00.000-07:002018-07-10T17:00:08.731-07:00Story<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Ever since we talk about things,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">They were nothing unless words</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Ever since we meet each other,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Those days just like everyday</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Ever since we ask and tell story,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">We barely know each other</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 17.9px;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Cause we never really talk,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Saying things just to please others</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Choosing words which we think right as they preferred</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 17.9px;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Where is idea about flying to the moon</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Where is the story about missing pet</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">How the kids find true idol</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">How the days could be spend longer than nights</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Where is it? How is it?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 17.9px;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I wanna sit down</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Talk about things</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">My worry, my happy, my dream to be</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I wanna listen story</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-71986907289195480722018-01-24T16:05:00.004-08:002018-01-24T16:05:51.266-08:00Skenario Dunia<div>
Skenario terhampar</div>
<div>
Adegan terlepas-lepas</div>
<div>
Silakan kepada aku, kamu, dan mereka</div>
<div>
Mencoba, gagal,</div>
<div>
Mencoba, gagal,</div>
<div>
Mencoba, keliru.</div>
<div>
Hingga menang pada porsinya</div>
<div>
Naskah asli jadi satu</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Percaya saja</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mulai dari setiap pagi,</div>
<div>
Dan setiap kata "nanti"</div>
<div>
Rencana-Nya,</div>
<div>
rapi.</div>
<div>
—</div>
<div>
We could write dream,</div>
<div>
bucket list,</div>
<div>
resolution,</div>
<div>
vision & mission.</div>
<div>
Details to every sentences, as we put hopes within the dancing pen between the lines of the planner. Ready to check the lists, soon as possible.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
//But whatever will be, will be//</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Bad thing comes,</div>
<div>
once or twice, unexpectedly. </div>
<div>
You might think,</div>
<div>
"It's okay. It was all coincidences"</div>
<div>
Sorry to say, but it's not. Things happen with reasons. There is no such a coincidence.</div>
<div>
Sometimes we have to uncheck the list, just because it never been ours.</div>
<div>
And it's okay to change the plan. Not because we give up, but we forgive ourself to let it go.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As a reminder;</div>
<div>
what we do is make a plan, </div>
<div>
not to make it happen. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We try but the result is not on us.</div>
<div>
So, it's never wrong to make a new beginning, because we will always find a new chance in next morning.</div>
<div>
Find</div>
<div>
Find</div>
<div>
Find</div>
<div>
Find every chances,</div>
<div>
Until we find what belong to us.</div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-16268013587747172242017-12-20T23:42:00.000-08:002019-04-10T07:14:12.108-07:0012 hours BDG - DPK<span style="font-family: inherit;">09.30 AM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm in train station, waiting for my train at 2pm. Such a looong wait I know and I’m alone. Most of people would be so lonely then playing with their bestfriend-technology. Using phone to scroll social media, listen to best playlist, watch latest download of movie or drama. But I'm too stingy-even to myself, just for using my mobile data and phone battery. So, I just keep taking sleep (long as I could) or watching people there.</span><br />
---<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">10.00 AM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sitting left beside me, a man. An old man, to be specific. A double couple actually. So there are two old men and two old women. Around 70, I guess?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">An old man beside me looks so uneasy. I don't know what he says because he's using Chinese. He keeps searching something in his luggage trembling. After minutes, he want to put a trash. And her wife ordering him to say excuse to us–people he through by. I can see he walk little bit unsteadily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His wife doing conversation with her friend. And two old men stay silent sitting beside their each wives. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Their train is coming. And each one of them taking one luggage. Again, wife of old man ordering him how to bring the luggage well. I can see the old man cannot do well. The rolls are flipside. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wonder is wife really love the old man so she keeps ordering him to do everything because she believe he can do all by himself and make him to be independent? But I wish, she can lend a little help so his husband could walk in comfort, she can lay her hand in his waist so they can walk together.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then again, I don't know if they're a real couple or not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sitting right beside me, a family. A woman, an old woman, and children at backside–most of them boys. The children keep talking each other, telling jokes. Her granny looks so annoyed and tell them to keep their mouths shut. To add, she threating to lock them in bathroom once. She tell them if they want to sleepover at hers, they must be good quiet boys. Funny thing is, when she asking their preference between her and their another granny (I think she just want to make sure they could be quiet), they don't pick her. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wonder are they really tell the truth or just making some joke to their granny? But could the old women say good things or pick good words to tell them quiet? Or she just could ask them to lower their voice since they must be bored if they keep shut?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Still, I don't know how long they've been together today and how bad she handle her patient all day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">06.00 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wednesday. It's a weekday. I'm taking commuter line train and I know it must be full since it's already passed work hour. As I get in the train, I hear someone snoozing. A little loud actually. If this is the first time I use commuter line train around this hour, I may get annoyed and will grumbling myself. But I'm not. And looking her sweating in cool temperature, her glasses slipped to her mouth almost fall, I guess she just really tired. After some stations, thank God, I can sit. I'm sitting near the woman. Sitting beside me, a younger woman wearing work outfit look. She is recording the snoozing woman beside her. An Instagram video. I cannot understand what is younger woman's purpose. What making me angrier is, she's adding monkey-face emoji right on snoozing woman's face. I really want to ask the younger woman, is she knows the snoozing woman? Is she knows how hard the snoozing woman has been through today? Is she know how hurt the snoozing woman to breath since she is big size, so that is why she snoozes to let her breath?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then again, I don't know how hard the younger woman's work today too. I don't know how long she handle her patience to not get annoyed with the snooze sound.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">07.00 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm waiting a campus bus on shelter. Wondering is life this cruel, or am I just being too sensitive? Thinking that we can get married and live with unexpected not long lasting romance. We can have a family member who hard to say a good words. We can meet someone who is making any one else as a joke. Why is people not living and treat another like they want to be treated?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After all, there's always a person who keep wonder alone in their thought, making some negative thought and perception, conclude everything she saw with know nothing. Keep shut instead help. Too much thinking instead do what she thinks might be better.</span>hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-88202748530779444982017-12-18T18:24:00.001-08:002017-12-20T23:23:15.729-08:00Secret You Keep<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is one thing</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A secret that you keep</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">Alone in your heart</span></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Years by years</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is no one you told</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A little thing, fade out fade in</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes you forget</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes you remember</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes you think all time</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes you don't care</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes you can't get over it</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But after all this time</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Suddenly you wondering about the truth of secret</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because it just so bad and you cannot</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(re)imagine that moment,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">if it's really happen(ed)</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And now you've been asking to yourself:</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Is the secret you keep,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A real one or just an illusion of your fantasy?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">is real or just a conclusion of your probabilities thought?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No matter it is</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Real or just fantasy</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is one thing you should know</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Forget or get it clear</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause you never know,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">the secret you keep</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">heart, in deep</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">could grow to be Hatred.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-288675907366463522017-10-25T05:14:00.003-07:002017-10-25T05:14:59.025-07:00Good gone Bad<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life could be beautiful, everything happen as you expect. Wonderful as you wished. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Until you gotta wake up, even if you already awake in reality. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because in sudden time, you may realize that those happy moments actually not yours. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Some good things happen not to make you smile, but force you to smile. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You want to choose your way but you cannot. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your dream-which finally you figured out after think about all year-</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">is right in front of you but you cannot reach. What's happen in your life</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">not always meant to be your rights. Yes, you may choose what you wants.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But life is not simple like that. When you choose something, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">you choose one between yourself or anyone else, ended up </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">you choose what's happen next in your life.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the end, all you have to do is try to understand;</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are moments happen to teach you how to hold your wants, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">how to please others, how to neglect your sad.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, everything happen for reason. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes I know. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't know if I can understand, but</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">.. at least I try.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-4825965671557849752017-09-15T21:35:00.000-07:002017-09-17T05:07:34.920-07:00Merantau ke Rumah<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Nyokap pernah bilang. Hidup anak bersama orangtua itu sebentar, apalagi anak gadis yang akan hidup bersama pemimpinnya. Bahkan ada yang bilang bahwa orangtua hanya dapat memiliki anaknya sampai 14 tahun. Tahun selanjutnya, sang anak sudah akan memilih jalannya sendiri. Umur gue 22 tahun, dan nyokap udah sering banget mention nama anak-anaknya one by one akan 'pindah' rumah dari orangtua. "Bentar lagi kamu nikah deh, 1-2 tahun lagi." Kalaupun memang gue akan nikah dalam jangka waktu itu, 2 tahun masih lama menurut gue. Tapi tidak menurut nyokap. Dengan jatah hidup sebentar bersama anaknya, lalu ada diskon pula dengan 4 tahun gue kuliah di Bandung. Dan dalam ke-sebentar-an ini semua, I still don't make it count to be worthy.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Di suatu siang, nyokap akhirnya menegur gue secara tersirat dengan keras. Gue ini<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> orangnya ketus. Dan akibatnya, </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">gue sebenarnya sudah (mungkin seringkali) menyakiti hati orang lain. Mulai dari teman hingga orang yang lebih tua. Lebih dari apa yang udah gue sadari. Salah satunya adalah orangtua gue. </span>Gue yang sering ngeluh kalau orangtua gue lupa sesuatu, gue yang sering marah-marah kalau orangtua gue gak ngerti apa yang gue kasitau.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ada satu kalimat nyokap yang membuat gue berpikir banget buat intropeksi, menyadari bahwa gue sangat gatau diri. Hidup gue tuh udah 'numpang' sama orangtua, urusan apa-apa udah dibantuin. Tapi sedikit pertanyaan dari mereka, gue suka males menjawabnya serta dengan ketus pula. Padahal bicara lembut saja sudah bisa menenangkannya. Gue cuma anak, gak akan bisa balas sepadan, dan mereka pun sebenernya gak banyak minta. Padahal nyokap udah selalu jadi reminder gue yang seringkali lebih tau diri gue, dan bokap udah selalu ada waktu buat cari segala cara kasih yang terbaik buat keluarga. Then, I realized that I changed so much. Especially to them. Semakin tumbuh, gue semakin merasa dewasa yang merasa bisa hidup sendiri dan menentukan apa-apa sendiri. Berpikir bahwa gue sudah cukup bisa melakukan apa-apa sendiri.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Merantau ke Bandung mungkin bisa mengajarkan gue lebih dewasa, namun bisa jadi membuat gue sombong kepada orangtua, merasa bahwa gue sudah serba bisa. <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Padahal gue masih menjadi anak dari kedua orangtua. Mungkin hanya berlaku lemah lembut yang mereka minta. Karena orangtua selalu merasa ini semua sangat sebentar, anak mereka pergi dengan cepat tanpa sadar. Seperti nyokap dan bokap gue yang selalu merasa bentar lagi gue kerja, nikah, punya keluarga, pindah, dan kebayang-bayang sepinya rumah. </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sedangkan anak ingin cepat dewasa, cepat-cepat mengejar cita-cita. Seperti gue yang 4 tahun seringkali terlalu nyaman menikmati Bandung. Padahal seharusnya gue sadar untuk menengok ke belakang, ada orangtua yang menunggu gue pulang.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jika ada yang bilang, "Merantaulah </span>agar tahu siapa yang dirindu." Maka, pulanglah agar ingat siapa yang merindu.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-64306109566783056272017-09-15T19:25:00.000-07:002017-10-25T05:31:01.158-07:00Depok<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-5052552250610118102017-08-27T08:23:00.000-07:002017-08-27T08:33:13.579-07:00Four Years Paid OffEmpat tahun kuliah di Bandung, tepatnya di Telkom University. Dari yang awalnya gue gapernah tau ini kampus, gapernah ada pikiran buat kuliah di luar kota, and in sudden time jadi mahasiswa disini. Dari yang namanya STISI, sampai akhirnya sekarang Telkom University.<br />
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Empat tahun kuliah di Bandung, tepatnya di jurusan desain grafis. Bikin gue ketemu sama orang-orang yang macem-macem gayanya, sifatnya, pemikirannya, variatif. Dapet ilmu-ilmu baru yang gak hanya dari duduk di kelas aja. Tapi gue juga belajar buat gimana mengubah diri gue yang tadinya sangat menarik diri dari khalayak ramai, sombong, gamau peduli sama orang lain, hanya melakukan sesuatu cepat-cepat untuk menyelesaikan life steps aja. Gue belajar buat hidup bersosialisasi, gue belajar bahwa gue gak akan bisa hidup sendiri. Berkali-kali gue kebingungan saat dikasih tanggung jawab lebih, yang bahkan gue gapernah mengharapkannya. Tapi kepercayaan mereka yang bikin gue terpaksa (in a good point) mengubah diri. Ada saatnya gue gabisa terus-terusan menjadi pribadi yang sendiri, walaupun sebenarnya berusaha untuk mandiri. Gue gak akan bisa jadi hebat sendiri. Manusia itu bersosialisasi. Belajar menghargai, menghormati, berbagi. Gue manusia, dan manusia itu lemah. Maka gue butuh orang lain. Sampai akhirnya gue lebih membuka diri dan berusaha sebisa mungkin mengurangi sifat gue yang egois dan gak pedulian sama orang. Kuliah membuat gue percaya bahwa senang bersama-sama memang lebih baik daripada senang sendiri. Berkali lipat lebihnya.<br />
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Empat tahun kuliah di Bandung, tepatnya dari mulai TPB sampai TA. Tugas-tugas yang dulu gue gak ngerti apa tujuannya, sampai akhirnya sadar bahwa semua ada gunanya. Dari kelas TPB13-G sampai kelas GD13-B, ketemu temen-temen yang bukan cuma bisa diajak ngomongin orang (well, of course kurang-kurangin sih) tapi juga bertukar pikiran. Gue bersyukur sistem kelas gue yang kayak SMA, gak diacak per setiap matkulnya. Karena sistem ini bikin kita punya memori yang lebih banyak, jalan bareng lebih sering, dan jadi support system yang lebih baik. Gue yang dari dulu susah banget buat story telling, suka paling gak dimengerti sama orang kalau cerita, atau yang omongannya gak bermakna cuma sekitaran itu-itu aja. Selama kuliah gue akhirnya berusaha bukan hanya berbicara tapi juga belajar mendengarkan. Banyak banget pembicaraan yang bikin gue lebih berpikir, lebih mendapat banyak ilmu, walaupun padahal ngobrolnya ya sama temen-temen doang. Ngobrol buat gue seringkali sebenarnya bukan basa-basi. Tapi adalah salah satu cara buat gue tau gimana orang itu berpikir, berperilaku, apa yang dia suka, dan apa yang dia gasuka sehingga gue bisa approach dengan baik ke mereka.<br />
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Empat tahun kuliah di Bandung, tepatnya menjadi angkatan DG-13. Asli. Bangga banget jadi bagian dari angkatan ini. Gue banyak ketemu temen yang punya potensi. Temen-temen yang gak sombong buat bagi ilmu, saran, kritik, referensi buat bikin karya lebih baik. Temen-temen yang gak egois tapi care sama gue yang pemalas, sering banget mereka ingetin gue buat kerjain tugas dan gak ninggalin temennya gitu aja. Temen-temen yang bawel banget suka sebut gue galak atau yang lainnya, tapi justru bikin gue merasa diterima di circle ini. Kegigihan, jiwa kompetitif, dan karya-karya mereka ngajarin gue buat gak gampang puas dan inget bahwa selalu ada langit di atas langit.<br />
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Empat tahun kuliah di Bandung. Empat tahun yang sudah dilewati. Empat tahun yang kita isi. Empat tahun yang mungkin gue tidak ingat pasti bagaimana awalnya. Karena dengan begitu saja, empat tahun ini selesai dengan tiba-tiba.<br />
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Thankyou for every little pieces, memorable memories. We can have a big laugh or a little sigh for this ending, but remember. Day's coming. And we keep singing. A lullaby has no ending, dreams within. See ya on top!<br />
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Proud Friend,<br />
Hanna Syahidahhand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-12915019723541544342017-06-08T21:16:00.001-07:002017-08-18T05:16:16.074-07:00Renungan Singkat<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sebenernya gue mah apa, bilang kayak gini. Jadi muslimah seutuhnya aja belum. Islam gue belum kaffah. Iman gue masih sering turun, naiknya jarang, padahal levelnya aja udah di bawah banget. But one day this-everyday-saying really hit me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"After Allah gave 24hours chances for you taking breath, doing so much things you can do, how many hours spent just to remember Him?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kayanya kita mah udah sibuk banget sama yang lain-lain, sampai 24 jam aja sering terasa kurang cukup buat ngelakuin kerjaan kita. Dulu gue pernah baca cerita dari seorang muslim Indonesia yang kerja di Arab Saudi. Dalam cerita itu masyarakat disana kok ya kebanyakan masuk kantornya siang banget, bahkan lewat dari jam masuk kantor. Sangat berbeda dengan di Jakarta yang berangkatnya aja dari subuh. Tapi ada yang menarik kalau adzan udah berkumandang. Mereka gesit banget. Bahkan kalau bisa sebelum adzan pun mereka udah keluar kantor buat ke masjid. Wew. Awal gue baca cerita ini, jujur aja gue gasuka. Bener sih seperti zaman Rasulullah juga setiap pasar bahkan ditutup kalau adzan udah berkumandang. Tapi cuy, bukannya kerja keras itu salah satu bentuk ibadah juga ya? Bukannya disiplin itu sifat dari Islam juga?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Nah, akhirnya jawaban itu baru-baru aja di Ramadhan ini gue dapatkan. Bahkan gue melakukannya juga. Bahwa kerjaan kita sebenernya di dunia ya cuma buat ibadah aja sama Allah. Gak lain. Semakin sibuk kita, justru semakin kita ngedeketin Allah. Dekat sama Allah bukan hanya sekedar ibadah yang banyak. Dzikir ke Allah gak cuma baca puji-pujian dan shalawatan aja.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gue saat ini sedang masa mengerjakan tugas akhir kuliah. Kalau boleh blak-blakan progress gue tuh lemot banget. Ketika h-3 deadline yang seharusnya progress sudah 75%, gue bahkan belum menyentuh sampai 20%. Sepanjang hari kemarin gue cuma procrastinating sama hal-hal yang gak prioritas buat diri gue sendiri. Selama gue menunda ya gue stres sendiri, tapi gak ngerjain-ngerjain juga. Masuk ke Ramadhan ini juga, sama aja. Progress gue tetap lambat. Yang beda hanya satu. Paling engga gue berusaha saat-saat procrastinating itu gue pake buat ngaji atau shalat sunnah. Gue bukan mau pamer ibadah, gak ada yang perlu dipamerin juga karena ibadah gue gak sekeren itu kok. Tapi gue mau pamer bahwa dengan hal yang gue lakuin itu buat gue belajar sadar dan merasa lebih dewasa (well, at least menurut gue). Hal ini sama sekali gak bikin TA gue dengan ajaib selesai. Gak. Tapi hal ini buat gue lebih santai, gue selalu ngerasa bahwa pasti TA gue akan selesai tepat waktu. Tentunya sambil gue memaksa diri buat ngerjain sih.. Hanya, karena gue udah berniat untuk menjadikan Ramadhan ini gak sia-sia dengan kemalasan ibadah gue, jadwal buat ibadah gue lah yang ngeharusin gue mau-gamau ngerjain TA.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ayo ih, kerjain sekarang kan nanti mau tarawih." Something like that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gak cuma bikin jadwal gue lebih teratur, hal yang gue lakukan ini juga bikin gue dzikir sama Allah gak sebatas bilang "Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah" dan lain-lain. Untuk memuji Allah banyak-banyak mulut gue gak semampu Rasulullah. Gue selalu berusaha dzikr (which is the true meaning of dzikr is "remember") dengan positive thinking sama Allah. Setiap gue stres gue gak sepintar itu merangkai kata dan menyampaikan cerita dengan baik ke orang lain, jadi gue ceritanya ya ke Allah. Ngeluhnya ke Allah. Minta bantuinnya ke Allah. Selain itu, cerita sama Allah gapernah salah karena cerita kita gak akan bocor, nangis sebanyak apapun gak akan dibilang cengeng, ngeluh sebanyak apapun gak akan dimarahin dan dipaksa. Hanya, kita perlu ingat Allah berfirman dalam ayat-Nya (QS <a dir="ltr" href="x-apple-data-detectors://1" x-apple-data-detectors-result="1" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors="true">13:11</a>, yak dibuka ya sis al-Quran nya:))</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jadi, at least, 1 dari 12 bulan deh kita jadi lebih rajin inget Dia. Sebenernya <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">kehebatan Allah gak kurang atau jadi lebih karena kita ibadah. Gak ngaruh. Tapi kitanya yang butuh. Gimana mau ditolongin kalau kita gak minta tolong?</span></span></div>
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hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-38713907733619574722017-04-08T04:59:00.003-07:002017-04-08T05:02:48.827-07:00You vs You<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mirror mirror on the wall</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who's the meanest of them all</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Standing on the mirror who the evil</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The enemy you fight is real</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Why oh why, how could this be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Piece to piece in my body</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Going harm, getting hurt, having no ending</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Each to each worry but no sorry</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You may own the body, got brain in perfect</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But closed door in heart, sound of it cannot crack</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You wary, nervous, shaky, too much clearly</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">No wonder what is happen, sick and wreck</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Scared with rejection, light up your sorrow</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then you become a doll</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hiding behing wall</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Age only number, realize now</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Still such a kid have no courage at all</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-86999850492273045062017-03-22T22:27:00.002-07:002017-03-26T08:28:22.735-07:00Should we celebrate Happiness Day?<span style="font-family: inherit;">A little encouragement from your lecturer, a simple joke from friends which telling you they care about you, had super comfy worn-out shoes as your companion these years, found out your favorite brush style, wake up in the morning without alarm, finally got a best spot in library, ... ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Those are little things from little things of my happiness this week. Like how I told you in some posts that I'm kinda introvert person. And in my alone-mode I usually start to think deeper, or I could say wiser (at least I try to :p) I think about how mu future will be cause I still cannot list true dreams and write my vision. I think about how much older I grew and how many achievements I had until this age. I think about my friends and how funny (in a good way) to me about our topic in conversation already changed to next step. I think about how my parents, sisters, brother grew up and grew old. Most of times, think of these things bring me to this conclusion: happiness.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I started going to stress everytime I think about my future. Not because I'm not confidence with myself, but I just really can't draw my dreams, know what I want. But I thank to God for time He gave so I got time to think think and think, to tell myself not being such a rush and enjoy every little progress. Then I remember about everyone in my life. People are being so lovely and care so much about me without asking much from me. Sometimes I think what I gave to them for being such a good person. I never give anything precious. But they constantly showering me love. I can't do anything good for them so I hope my pray enough to pay them back. That's why I thank to God for any little things. I surrounded by good people, good things. What is the reason I could stress or being sad for a long time? What is the reason I ask more for things I can't treat well? What is the reason I want anyone else's life in my beautiful life? What is any reasons??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Really!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just need to praise some little things and by that, I just can't stop to mention all good things. I am writing this post because I just found out about International Happiness Day. I don't really celebrate as a happy day in one day. Because we (absolutely) can be happy everyday. But sometimes we forget. We forget that happiness is one of human rights, as Jayme Illien said. We forget to take care ourselves. We forget actually we're sad because we don't think more about happiness moment. We're sad because we are unfair to ourselves. We don't try to swim but let ourselves drown at the bottom of pool. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So today, rather than to celebrate with party or doing any other charity, I just want to do a little thing. Remind myself and all of you,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's remember again together that we already had things enough to say "<i>Alhamdulillah</i>".</span>hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-29464416973249845482017-02-26T08:00:00.000-08:002017-10-25T05:35:17.697-07:00Farm House<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-38595244343518836562017-02-25T20:22:00.003-08:002017-10-25T05:29:23.371-07:00To Brother<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-46061702241535215532017-02-15T00:14:00.000-08:002017-02-15T00:14:01.766-08:00Changing<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #999999;">"A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living." - Virginia Woolf</span></div>
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I adore this kind of words! I just getting tired for everyone who says that "everyone change" from negative perspective. What is wrong with changes? Unless you are not ready for it, maybe you never really know him/her is what's true. As human, I (really) do change. I transform. I live constantly, except I am statue-which I'm not, I really move! I make movement, change something in myself—under conscious or not.<br />
Physically, of course, I grew a lot. From a cutey little sweety baby who giggles here and there, to a woman who try explore anything anywhere. I tend to think more rational, fed up my curiosity everyday, getting along with any kind people (failed sometimes), barely know what rights and wrongs, arrange priorities. I want to know more and more about myself. I try hard to do what I want at its best.<br />
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First thing first, what I change is my environment. I surround myself with positive people. The main reason is because as human I adapt. I try to surround myself with people who like to tell and share for goods. I try to get close with people who's not going to harm my feeling with harsh (even joking) words, but saying good compliments instead.<br />
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So for the better change, I choose to surround myself with good people. So welcome, good friends!hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-91463605663997478082017-02-15T00:12:00.000-08:002017-10-25T05:35:41.768-07:00Chagiya Cafe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-61101226138288697992017-02-14T22:40:00.000-08:002017-02-14T22:41:32.800-08:00Solitude, Heals and Kills<div>
Solitude is my healing time. I tend to be alone to reflect myself, wondering what happened and how days passed. I find it hard to tell what's going on me. I just feel tired to explain and arrange perfectly beautiful words in sentence. Telling myself to keep feelings alone better than talk to others and ended up with misconception.</div>
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In every single day, there is time that I don't feel to talk to anybody. I hate ito hear all noisy laugh, meaningless words, harsh jokes. But in silence we could talk. I always wanted to know, and never felt enough to hanging around with myself. I'm getting know and love myself more and more.</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Gradient of red to yellow—orange-ish sky and chirping birds.<br />Open green grass with breeze make dancing trees and leaves.<br />Reflection at pond and sound of flowing water.<br />Night strolling at sidewalk under city lights.</span> </span></blockquote>
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But that night. </div>
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That night was different. That night I walked in a rush. Uncomfortable with those eyes of people. I hate to listen laughter of kids. I hate to see singing musician. I hate to know those families feel happy. I felt insecure. I felt afraid. Night was chill, cold to my bone. I couldn't feel peace in my solitude. I was getting more and more nervous. </div>
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And so the time goes, I realized. That night is the first time. I'm alone and lonely. That night is the first time. Solitude kills me. That night is the first time. I thought I need someone to accompany. I miss someone who can I really talk to, share everything related, tell exactly what's on my mind. That night is the first time. I admit there's time I cannot be alone. Because I'm still human being. Need someone to talk and rely on.</div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-40727847023704507612017-02-14T06:38:00.003-08:002017-10-25T05:36:13.199-07:00Peta Park<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-41056141883044947332017-02-14T06:38:00.002-08:002017-10-25T05:36:51.395-07:00Kraton<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-68160975812660973722017-02-09T08:04:00.001-08:002017-02-10T07:18:58.735-08:00Pagi-pagi di Hari Kini<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tersedak-sedak aku di pagi-pagi. Membacanya membuatku langsung membuka obrolan kita terakhir kali. Meraung-raung aku jadinya. Aku tidak tau kapan terakhir kali aku bilang sayang padamu, kapan terakhir kali aku memelukmu, kapan terakhir kali aku terisak mengeluh padamu, kapan terakhir kali aku mencari-carimu, kapan terakhir aku mencium tanganmu. Sosokmu begitu kuat, begitu bisa diandalkan, begitu tidak pernah menangis di depanku hingga aku dapat memiliki kesempatan mengusapnya. Berkali-kali dirimu mengomel ini-itu tidak sebanyak sayangmu. Berkali-kali ketidakpedulianmu tidak sebanyak kekhawatiranmu. Sedihkah kamu memiliki kami yang tidak pandai menyampaikan cinta? Kami hanya seringkali memerlukanmu ketimbang menawarkan diri padamu. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dahulu, kita tertawa. Pada jenaka yang tiba-tiba ada dan hanya kita semua yang mengerti saja. Dahulu, kita saling menatap. Pada tiap pagi di meja makan dengan sarapan tersedia. Dahulu, kita ada banyak tanya. "Bagaimana hari ini?" "Capek, ya?" "Besok mau kemana?" "Mau makan apa?" Tapi semuanya selalu datang darimu, dan aku hanya menerima. Yang bahkan menerimanya pun aku tidak pandai.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kini aku dewasa. Aku merasa semua sudah perlu kutanggung semua, hal ini hal itu adalah aku yang pegang semua. Sampai kita beda dunia. Aku anggap dirimu tak tau apa-apa, tidak membiarkan dan mengantarkanmu tau cerita dan suka dukaku. Tiba-tiba saja kamu jadi tidak tau apa-apa tentangku, "Loh sama siapa?" "Emang pernah?" "Kapan itu?" "Itu apa?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lalu aku sadar, kita jauh. Lebih dari jarak antar kota. Kita sejauh umur, yang tak tau kapan habisnya.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Aku rindu. Pada setiap canda dan senyummu. Aku mau. Memberi hadiah dan mengusap punggungmu pada lelah. Aku selalu. Sayang dan butuh dirimu.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Namun, aku tidak pandai pada semua itu. Hingga saat ini aku tau, we never could pay everything you give, Mom.</span>hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-70908901365491871002016-07-17T03:12:00.001-07:002017-02-14T22:41:13.729-08:00Thank God for Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">We busy playing with smartphone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">Don't know the sky turns orange from dawn.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">We scroll timeline that we don't need to see.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">Don't realize stars appears so shiny.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">Head up and look up to the sky,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">did we thank God for today?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">That was really tiring day. Being as intern in Jakarta is not as easy as what I thought. About 2hours from home to work, multiple times equals 4hours. To be honest, at first I feel that I really wasted my life for 4hours on the way.</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> I really shocked with the struggle and life in train.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); font-family: inherit;">But after one month being intern, I learned so many things. My 4-hours-in-train ain't really wasted. It was like I can learn new things everyday. Not just about design skill, branding, or any graphic design related things. But I learned so much more about life. How I change from the couch potato (or we can say "mager"-person) into grateful person (still learning though). How a little thing happens to be something to thank. How anything could I think about deeper than before.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); font-family: inherit;">And then, day by day I get more sensitive. I get teary eyes just because seeing mother with her tired child (well, you know how annoying them..) in crowded train at night. Or when I see old man/woman going alone with far destination.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0); font-family: inherit;">Now, I know that <i>"Jakarta itu Keras"</i> or <i>"Nyari uang itu susah"</i> more than a saying. And I amazed with women who has tough personality. Women is really strong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But from all of those (meaningful) days, the most thoughtful thing is: I learn that we have to be grateful. Because we'll be happier day by day as we always have something new to thank to God.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-75934053224818102432016-03-12T07:46:00.001-08:002017-02-14T22:41:23.599-08:00Thoughts on Sit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; direction: ltr;">
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<span style="color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">"I choose what I feel in my heart." </span></div>
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<span style="color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">But then she said, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">"No! You should feel what you think."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #999999; font-family: inherit;">Girl, you're too cute. Your sister already using her brain too much. Possibly everytime she doesn't believe in her self.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Theory keeps me in line. But at times like this: theories kill me unrealized. People said, "don't worry cause we got no boundaries."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And yes. I'm the one who draw a line and make a boundary. Who let myself to keep me safe or give a try to be different than yesterday.</span></div>
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hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-513008813699890226.post-30836136670551390692016-02-06T02:11:00.001-08:002017-02-10T07:20:25.029-08:00Youth<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They say, we reached next step in our life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We're young to take responsibilities all at once. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Besides, we're old enough to choose what we want and make a deal of it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We actually fragile, yet we have curiosity and passion to being brave. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes we're eager to take challenges, but sometimes we hesitate much to make decision.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">People say that we're not kids anymore. And we may do things like the adult. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The old think that our age is precious and the young say that they can't wait to be one of us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As youth..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">live with hesitations, spirits, tears, smiles</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">have courage, curiosity</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">crave for praises, success, true love</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As youth, who's neither young or old. We passed hard times as we get more mature. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We learned things as we get to know how to make priority in life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As youth, who's got flame in heart and eager to take prestige. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Take the risk to make it until the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But there are times</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">our curiosity cannot be fullfilled because our capability still not enough,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">our courage is not enough to take big responsibilities.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then we end up having big problem. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But once we get through, that was just small problem we have to face it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So stay strong cause we're youth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Smile if we still strong enough. Cry if we cannot hold tears. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We may have many friends but all we need just some to count on. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because sometimes when we seek for answer, actually we just need shoulder. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So control yourself cause we're youth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We have dream to catch on. We do something that we're passionate about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Still, we can having fun when its time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And we let emotions burst out when we cannot handle it anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's okay..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because we're youth, too old to being said kids and too young to being said adult. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So let's have a life.</span></div>
hand'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08811216481439656925noreply@blogger.com